A touch of class

By Aidan Goldstraw

It’s amazing how differently people react to the same touch. While my wife Vikki was busy falling asleep under the expert hands of her masseuse, I was wriggling like a fish undergoing interrogation.

It wasn’t unpleasant - quite the reverse - but if you’re as atrociously ticklish as me you might want to take this into consideration before embarking on a Balinese massage.

imageWe were booked into the Satori Spa at the Jumeirah Beach Club. The spa itself sits some little way from the resort’s main hubs of activity, helping to create the impression of an oasis of calm. Inside it was cool, quiet and welcoming as we filled out a fairly thorough health questionnaire while we awaited our treatments.

As husband and wife we were offered - and accepted - the option of being treated simultaneously in the same room. If you’re both new to the spa scene, this can be quite a reassuring option!

Not so reassuring was the size of the disposable undies our masseuses left us to change into - I’m big but not monumental and there was no way these pants were going to fit! Fortunately the girls had mentioned that we could just fully undress, if we felt comfortable with that. I can’t say I felt utterly at ease but in the end I figured they must have seen plenty of bottoms in their time and mine was just one more!

It didn’t actually matter a great deal once the massage started, as the sheet lain over you at the start is very subtly and neatly adjusted to cover all but the essential parts currently receiving the treatment. The room is also dimly lit.

Calming new age music tinkled in the background as the girls got to work with a bewildering variety of touches, ranging from the ultra-subtle to just outside of Painsville. Particularly memorable is the “hand over hand” technique which gives the impression of a giant spider crawling up your legs. This feels better than the description, trust me!

The overall effect is a mixture of relaxation and sensuality. Vikki presumably found her massage tended more towards the former as she slowly drifted off, whereas I found myself concentrating more on the latter aspect of the treatment. Maybe it’s a guy thing. Beware, it can have all-too-predictable results, if you know what I’m saying, gents!

Ahem, yes, where was I...? Oh yes. After the massage is over you’re left to towel down (there’s a shower for your use), get your clothes back on and then come back into the reception area, where we were served iced water, ginger tea and melon kebabs. A perfect finish.

The Satori Spa offers an amazing range of different massages and treatments, including milk baths, wraps, and aromatherapy. The spa is open from 9am to 9pm daily and all treatments need to be booked in advance. To make an appointment, ring 04 3102759.

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